[fic] Waking Up from a Bad Dream (part 7)

[moon_catcher]

***

They didn’t really speak for most of the drive. Neither did they actually look at each other, making the whole tense atmosphere between them even more awkward.

Kame spent the time silently cursing himself. Maybe he should call Johnny-san later and tell him he couldn’t accept the offer. He couldn’t work with Jin at this rate – and he wasn’t sure he would be ever able to push his feelings for the other away again, the same way he had managed to do in the past. Things seemed to be different this time. Stronger. He used to think he couldn’t have cared about Jin more. Now he most certainly did.

His hands were lying on his lap, fisted so tight the knuckles turned white eventually, pressing against his thighs as Kame felt a familiar tingling sensation coiling in his muscles. He hoped the tension would fade away before setting off the convulsions. He wouldn’t be able to bear with yet another loss of control over his body today. Not with Jin anywhere near.

Jin’s thoughts were all aiming to Kame. To everything that had happened.

And then Jin was not thinking at all. Because thinking was overrated. If he had wanted to spend his life thinking and analyzing, he might have tried to be a better student and finish at least high school, get a job in an office, wear a suit every day for the rest of his life. Find a cute wife. Start a family. However, he hadn’t and now he was stuck with Kamenashi Kazuya.

Jin realized that not being the smartest kid in the class had finally paid off.

They parked in the underground garage and Jin turned off the engine. He got the wheelchair from the trunk and made sure to pull his hands away before they could have by any coincidence come in contact with Kame when the other levered himself from the front seat of the car to the chair. Jin was gritting his teeth to prevent himself from reaching out and helping Kame. But he knew Kame’s pride. It was nothing to tease.

Jin followed Kame up in silence, less the occasional muttered “thank you” when Jin held the door or pressed the button to call up the elevator. Kame could have done these as well but Jin always happened to be closer.

They reached the door of Kame’s apartment and Kame opened it while Jin held himself a little behind. Jin was giving Kame enough space to not freak out the moment they would face each other again. Because Kame would have freaked out; because he had been thinking and thinking after what had happened couldn’t bring anything good. However, Jin knew Kame hadn’t really had another choice, his head had been always bothered by everything, had always been used to ponder over every detail, even those that had been actually of no real importance.

Ran-chan had rushed to the door once hearing the lock rattled and was impatiently fidgeting around until Kame appeared in front of her.

Kame pushed the wheelchair through the door and stopped, patting his dog and sending her away with a slight wave. He gave himself the last couple of seconds and then his hands gripped the hand rims with resolve, rotating the chair. “Look, Akanishi…” Kame stopped right away and Jin noticed the displeased twitch in his face. After taking a breath, Kame started again. “Jin, about before…” Not even the second time seemed to be to Kame’s content though. His tongue darted out, licking over a corner of his lips.

“Before…”

Jin’s breath hitched. They were really going to talk about this.

They were not going to sweep it off and pretend nothing happened.

“I just… I just want you to know it’s not going to happen again.” Kame finally looked up. “I-I don’t really know what…”

Jin sighed and taking two determined steps, entered the apartment and let the door fall shut.

“I do.”

Kame pushed the wheelchair backwards, getting away from Jin

“Ryo told me.”

– “Kame likes you.” –

Kame visibly swallowed and his eyes were big and scared and flicking around in growing anxiety... So much for trusting Akanishi’s best friend.

“Nishikido sure needs to keep his mouth shut,” Kame mumbled; but mostly for himself.

And then he felt Jin’s eyes on him and the world shrank into the size of the apartment they were locked in, of the foyer they were standing in and the distance Jin’s steps were cutting.

“I’m sorry, Kazuya.”

Kame’s eyes went even wider than already were upon hearing his name for the second time in a very short span of time.

“The whole time you… Why didn’t you say something? We could have worked things out. We could have… I don’t know, but there surely was something we could have done.”

Other than stop talking at all.

Jin was nearing him, and Kame desperately pushed the wheelchair backwards again. He needed to get away. To keep his space. To keep Jin as far away as possible. But then one of the wheels hit something in the way and got stuck. Kame couldn’t move any further, not if he needed to keep his eyes on Jin to know what the other was doing. He couldn’t lose Jin from his sight. Not when Jin was so close that Kame couldn’t even sneak around him to the free space of the living room anymore.

“Tell you what?” Kame gulped. “There was nothing to tell. And it would be better now if it had been that way with Nishikido too. I shouldn’t have told him anything –”

Then Jin was just in front of him, leaning down and propping himself against the armrests of the chair, and his face was too close to Kame’s, hot breath tickling when Jin spoke up again.

“Kazuya stop.”

Kame winced. “Whatever Nishikido said, it’s nothing. Nothing, Jin.”

“He said you liked me. And maybe you still do. I think you do.” Jin was leaning against the chair with all his weight, hovering over Kame and staring right at him, never breaking the eye contact, as well as not letting Kame break it, or shift his look away to somewhere safe, where he couldn’t get burnt. “And you kissed me!”

“And I said it was nothing!” Kame whimpered, getting desperate. Jin was too close. Too close with everything. “I apologized and told you it wouldn’t happen again. And it won’t.”

However, it did.

Jin’s lips softly pressed against Kame’s. And stayed. Motionless. Waiting. Waiting for Kame to finally stop thinking about what was going on or what had happened and would yet come. Kame’s eyelashes fluttered against his cheeks and it was difficult to decide between closing his eyes and keeping them open, as what was just happening was something Kame both wanted and feared at the same time. Kissing Jin might have been what he once had been dreaming of, yet taking the dream into the actual reality was scary. Taking dreams into reality never worked.

When Kame dared look up he saw Jin was looking at him as much though, he decided to just let go for this one moment – and closed his eyes.

Maybe today was the day when impossible things were becoming true.

He was back in KAT-TUN after all.

And Akanishi Jin was – finally – kissing him.

The kiss began slowly and gently, nothing but lips touching lips. Jin wasn’t pushing and a small part of Kame still held back.

Jin was supporting himself and wasn’t really touching Kame other than with his lips while Kame couldn’t make his hands move, not even a bit. All his focus aimed to the softness of ghostly brushing over his lips.

For most of his life so far, Kame had thought he would take what life and his hard work would bring along, always staying down to earth and never making impossible wishes. Always grateful for small things he had encountered.

This time though, Kame wanted more. Everything.

He let his tongue lick over Jin’s closed lips. The message might have not been the most confident one, as the lick was hardly sensible, but there was one and Jin felt it and got it. This time, more sure that Kame wouldn’t push him away, and wouldn’t question what they were doing, Jin added some pressure against Kame’s lips and then even coaxed them to open. His tongue slipped in to meet Kame’s and played with it, stroking and poking gently.

The kiss went on and on then. They both got bolder with what they could dare and what the other would allow. Jin sucked on Kame’s tongue, pulling it along back into his mouth and Kame didn’t mind, taking the chance to explore every nook, taste everything he could reach. Only to mimic the action a moment later, inviting Jin’s tongue over.

They pulled away a moment later when the kiss got hard and messy enough for them to forget about breathing. By the time Kame’s hands had somehow found their strength again and had gone up, clutching at Jin’s t-shirt, creasing the soft cotton in his fists. Kame was holding tight even after the kiss broke, using Jin as the only steady point in the world spinning all around.

Their eyes met then slid down to Kame’s fingers in Jin’s t-shirt. And then went up again, still confused yet dark with need.

“More,” Kame panted.

Jin shuffled his hands along the armrest to get a better hold. “We should have done this years ago,” he chuckled heavily, mind completely blank. All he could focus on at the moment were Kame’s parted lips, red and shaking.

“Only you wouldn’t have wanted,” Kame bit his lip, magnetically attracting Jin’s attention as his teeth scratched over the swollen lower lip. “And even now… why are you doing this?” Kame was thinking again. And about wrong things above all. “You don’t even like guys, do you?”

“I like you,” Jin shrugged. “And I’m really, really getting to like this.” He captured Kame’s mouth in another kiss, this time pressing hard right from the start.

He already liked all the small noises Kame was making under him. And he really wanted to hear more, wanted to feel more.

Because if also the rest of Kame’s body tasted anything near the dazing taste of his lips, Jin wasn’t going to regret what he was doing just now, ever.

Their rather awkward position started to be uncomfortable soon, giving them a little or no chance to touch each other.

Jin grunted in annoyance and drew back, eyeing Kame from head down to his lap and back.

“What?” Kame asked.

The next moment Jin’s arms went around Kame and lifted him up from the wheelchair. His body landed against Jin’s and Kame instinctively wrapped his hands around Jin’s neck, holding tight because along with Jin’s grip at his hips this was the only support keeping Kame from toppling down on the floor. His dead legs were hanging down along Jin’s. And Kame buried his face into the other’s shoulder, desperately trying not to feel ashamed. There were times when he hated his condition. His helplessness.

Jin didn’t seem to mind at all though. He carried Kame through the apartment, carefully maneuvering in the space so they wouldn’t stumble over anything, Ran-chan curiously peeking from under the table included. Kame was tightly wound around his neck and Jin wanted to tell him he would never let him fall but all he managed to press out of his throat was a low groan when his crotch accidentally bumped against Kame. He couldn’t see how Kame’s mouth opened in a soundless gasp at the same time.

In the bedroom, Jin laid Kame on the bed only to be all over him the next moment, kissing him again and finally letting his hands run through the dark strands of the other’s hair. Kame tilted his head, his mouth searching for Jin’s, longing for yet another kiss.

They helped each other get out of their t-shirts, and it was a whole new level of sensation when Jin trailed gentle kisses down Kame’s neck, having Kame’s fingers in his hair again as a reply right away. Every single kiss and lick was drawing more sounds, those silent mewling sounds Jin couldn’t get enough.

Kissing someone wasn’t all that new, but instinctively grinding against the growing bulge in the other’s pants was; and Jin bucked his hips once again because new or not, all he cared at the moment was the burning sensation the contact was stirring. Kame’s hands were everywhere, tracing long strokes up and down Jin’s back and arms, only to get entangled in Jin’s hair again.

Kame arched as much as his body let him, following up every time Jin’s lips detached from his skin. Despite the lack of reactions his broken body was willing to give, unable to answer the pressure of Jin’s hips or to allow Jin to settle between his legs; Kame still could feel everything. As much as his body refused cooperating, Kame’s mind was working at overload. His senses stirred up and oversensitive. He could feel every kiss, every finger tracing invisible lines along his chest and belly. Each time Jin’s lips closed over one of his nipples and nibbled. Sucked.

“J-Jin…wait…”

Hearing his name between a series of pants that were melting together into a blissful melody, Jin gave one of Kame’s already hard and irritated nipples one more tentative lick and looked up, and met Kame’s face which was flushed and wild and beautiful and desperate.

Jin scooped up and kissed Kame. “I won’t keep my hands for myself anymore now, okay?” It was neither a question nor a warning, and somewhere in the back of his mind Jin couldn’t believe he remembered Kame’s words. Nothing but a statement before he rolled off and lay next to Kame, setting his hand on the other’s chest and slowly going downwards, feeling the shivers running under Kame’s smooth skin when his fingers grazed the nipples again, when his index finger teasingly poked into Kame’s belly button.

“Who said you have to?” Kame’s eyes darkened. Burning.

If Jin hadn’t been already hard, he would have surely gotten there only from the way Kame was looking at him at the moment.

They really should have done this years ago. The thought was back on Jin’s mind for a fleeting moment and it didn’t even seem weird, thinking of Kame and him together, like this.

Once best friends who had lost each other somewhere along the way through growing up and becoming adults and stars, only to find the other again on the most unexpected crossroad of their lives.

Jin groaned. His hands had only reached the rim of Kame’s jeans when Kame’s hands started haphazardly working on the buckle of Jin’s belt. Then there was a warm, sweaty palm rubbing over him and Jin had to halt his intention to get closer to Kame, for a second overwhelmed by the feeling of Kame’s fingers circling around his cock.

Jin’s heart was hammering in his chest; dark eyes glued to Kame’s face. There was hardly anything more beautiful, more arousing than Kame watching him back through half-lidded eyes partly covered with sweaty strands of hair, breathing heavily and all flushed.

Their hands buried in each other’s pants started moving in the same rhythm, mimicking the actions and creating the same, beautiful friction.

Jin bucked his hips up into Kame’s hand and turned his head to face the other again. To show him the bliss and pleasure mirroring in Jin’s eyes as neither of those could have been conveyed with words. And yet Jin felt a need to share it. Everything. Every tremble and pant. The heat gleaming in his eyes. Share it with Kame; with the one responsible for everything that Jin felt now.

To show Kame this was not out of pity or to maybe make fun of him later but because Jin wanted this – wanted Kame – and because he hadn’t felt anything near to what he felt when with Kame in ages. Maybe never in his whole life.

He had never tried.

Never had a reason to.

Had never really cared.

But he cared now. He cared about the despair slowly creeping up into Kame’s face as Jin’s hand kept sliding up and down his cock in the same pace Kame’s fingers were working on Jin’s crotch, but unlike Jin whose hips were eagerly following every stroke, Kame’s body couldn’t, and that must have been frustrating. Jin quickly leaned in, engaging Kame’s attention with another long, hard kiss.

Kame pulled Jin closer with a help of his free hand; and they both shivered through their way to release.

Jin pulled away only for as long as to reach for a box of paper tissues lying on a bedside table. And was back right away. He caught Kame’s cautious, shy look when Jin was wiping the few milky drops stuck on his fingers while Kame’s hand had the remains of Jin’s pleasure all over. In the end, Kame looked away when Jin took also his hand and rubbed the mess off, blush heating in Kame’s cheeks again.

“You are not going all prude on me right now, are you?” Jin chuckled and tossed the box away, making himself comfortable next to Kame again. They were still hot and sweaty, with pants pushed halfway down their hips and Kame’s chest was frantically raising and falling. “It’s a little late…”

Kame placed his hand over his face, hiding the growing embarrassment which only increased under Jin’s intent stare. “It just… doesn’t work the way it should anymore…” the words came out almost soundlessly.

“What are you talking about? From where I was seeing it, everything looked more than perfect. Like when I did this.” Jin pecked Kame’s shoulder and got him to shudder. “Or this…” he moved his lips to one of the nipples and flicked his tongue over it just before going down and sucking on the nub, earning himself a cute hitched breath, “and I’m hundred percent sure there was no problem when I did this.” The tip of Jin’s tongue traveled lower, leaving a wet trace from the nipple to the hollow of Kame’s belly button, and glancing up with a smirk, Jin dipped his tongue in.

Kame arched, pressing the back of his head into the pillow.

Every single one of Jin’s ministrations was bringing heat back into his blood and he would burn from the inside for sure if Jin kept going on.

“It’s not… I…”

The injury he had suffered hadn’t robbed him of the ability to get hard; however, his arousal was now more a matter of sensibility. His head was being flooded with impulses which seemed to be much stronger than ever before. And just now, when Jin had touched him and Kame had been aware of being it Jin’s hand jerking him, his mind had turned into a mush in no time, the orgasm building up until everything had exploded. On his mind. In his head. His body though, had left only a little, near to none proof.

Kame knew the theory; his doctor had explained to him everything, going as far as into all the awkward and delicate details.

“Shh…” Jin licked his way back up over Kame’s chest and neck and stopped at the other’s chin, pecking it. “But you enjoyed it, right?”

A nod.

Rewarded by a kiss. “And that’s all that matters, Kazuya. Stop thinking and making it awkward because it’s not.”

Kame only hesitantly removed the hand covering his eyes.

Jin was smiling. And Kame wanted to believe his words.

A moment later, Kame finally calmed down and relaxed, soothed by the butterfly kisses Jin was leaving all over his neck and shoulder. He could feel Jin’s hand on his chest. Not moving, just lying there, feeling Kame in return.

“You know what?” Jin’s hand was moving up and down along with Kame’s chest when Kame spoke up. His eyes were fixed to the white ceiling above them. “If I could go back in time, I would never take the Dream Boys role again. I would say ‘no’.”

Jin tensed. It was understandable Kame was thinking about such things. Actually, Jin wouldn’t have been surprised if Kame had been thinking about it all the time. These ‘what ifs’ could be such a bitch at times; Jin himself knew all too well.

And Kame’s way of thinking was making sense.

“Then you could walk again,” Jin breathed out, thinking, “and I wouldn’t be here. I would have my American career. My dream.” – Only it somewhat didn’t sound like his dream anymore. All of it. America. Being solo. Being alone.

Without Kame.

“We wouldn’t be here.” Jin’s fingers moved, the tips gently, tenderly stroking the milky, smooth skin of Kame’s chest.

“No.” Kame covered Jin’s hand with his own. Their fingers naturally entwined, perfectly fitting into each other. “But I would find a way to this, to you anyway. We would be…” – together – “like this in the end.”

The firm tone of those words got Jin curious. “Really?”

Kame finally turned his face to Jin, nodding. “You can’t imagine for how long I’ve wanted this. And someone told me that the future can be what we make it to be.” He flashed a smile, feeling Jin’s thumb grazing over his skin where their hands were joined together. “I would have to be just more stubborn than usually.”

“Must have been someone smart,” Jin smirked. “The one who told you.”

“Or naïve.”

Jin held Kame’s hand and brought it up to his lips. “Or someone who knows the future may be worth fighting for…”

***

It’s a bad, bad dream going around this maze for ages,
That’s a bad, bad day, I’ll surely make a rainbow, dry

***

They were almost on air, waiting for the commercials to be over; sitting side by side in the first line just next to the host. It was the first time KAT-TUN would appear in front of the audience as six again and both the jimusho and the program management of the Asahi television were expecting high ratings for tonight’s episode of Music Station.

KAT-TUN’s new single was to be released in two weeks and tonight would be the first time fans could hear more than the little preview having come out along with the propagation of the band’s comeback.

The closer the day of their new beginning had been getting, the more excitement could be felt in the air. Not only among fans, but most importantly, within the group itself.

Just before the announcement of the new single had come out, the jimusho had called a press conference with the six of them showing up in front of the press. Kame had been a little scared, uncomfortable with the fuss he had been expecting to come. However, Johnny had kept his word and aside the official statement on Kamenashi’s accident two years ago and his current condition, no one had been allowed to ask for details.

Kame looked around. He had thought people would be giving him curious looks but everyone was acting professional.

Maybe except for Jin actually.

Squeezing Kame’s hand was nowhere near ‘professional’ if Kame could tell. However, he wasn’t going to complain – at least as long as there was no camera focusing on them and transmitting the intimate gesture to the whole world. Jin’s hand was warm and felt good.

And everything was even better when Kame sensed Jin turned to him and smiled.

Jin didn’t have to say a word and Kame knew things were going to be fine. And that even though Jin had to let go of his hand when the intro music started and a camera ran around them, catching their faces, Kame knew the hand would be back on his later. And later.

The hosts greeted the audience and reminded of today’s special guests, introducing KAT-TUN once again for those who hadn’t caught the previous segment of the show.

“Tonight we are happy to have here KAT-TUN with all six members; Akanishi-kun who spent the last five years as a solo artist and released two albums overseas and recently returned to Japan to join the group again included,” the host went on and the next moment her eyes flicked over to where Kame was sitting, a bright smile for the cameras on his face. The anticipated, natural course of the speech would have been with the host talking about Kamenashi who had also recently rejoined the group. However, this topic was not on the list; and Kame knew that if there was something he could count on then it was the fact he wouldn’t be asked questions out of the list. “Fans couldn’t see you standing on the stage together for more than five years. The group activities were also suspended for two years completely…”

“Yes,” Koki nodded. He was sitting on the seat closest to the host and thus took over the role of the speaker. “But the members haven’t disappeared and people could still see us around…”

“There were dramas, right?” Maru quickly butted in and Ueda smiled as an agreement.

Koki grinned. “Oh, that’s true. Me and Ueda starred in a drama together. We all had solo activities the whole time. And there was also a single from NTT.”

“I see,” the host shot a glance down into her notes. “But as KAT-TUN, this is a new start for you.”

“Yes.” Koki again, obviously enjoying all the attention he could get. “A new start for KAT-TUN.”

“A lot of fans have been waiting for you…”

“And from now on, they can see us all the time,” Maru agreed. “Tonight we are here and starting tomorrow, there will be a lot of KAT-TUN everywhere. Please, don’t forget to watch.”

Koki nudged Nakamaru’s shoulder. “There will be performances and a single soon. And a couple of concerts too.”

“That sounds like a lot of work. How does it feel like working again as six?”

“It’s great to have everyone around again,” Taguchi flashed a wide smile directly into the camera and even tilted his head a little; his eyes narrowed into two tiny chinks. “I’ve missed the feeling in the dressing room for example, when there are a lot of people –”

“That’s the worst,” Koki cried.

“No, it’s fun.”

Koki smacked Taguchi’s shoulder, frantically shaking his head. “It always gets too messy and loud! I definitely didn’t miss that!”

The host laughed and the camera switched to Kame who was watching his band mates bickering with an obvious amusement.

“Kamenashi-kun, what is it like for you, working as six again?”

Kame blinked embarrassedly then his eyes met the camera and the world jumped backwards. “Troublesome,” Kame laughed with ease. His heart calmed down. He was home. He was back. “It’s troublesome most of the time, exactly like it used to be. I mean, it’s nice and exciting, too.” Kame could hear loud and grumbled protests from the others and that made him somewhat happy. “KAT-TUN has always had members of different personalities, that’s what was always making the band interesting. And seeing this hasn’t changed makes me think that KAT-TUN can be still interesting and unique. However, dealing with everyone can be troublesome.”

“Akanishi-kun?”

“Definitely troublesome,” Jin nodded, purposely ignoring Kame’s sharp look and Ueda’s “why are you copycatting Kamenashi again?” – “As a solo artist, when you make a mistake, you have to cover it yourself and it either works or not. When in a group, there are always people to do it for you –”

“How’s that troublesome?” Ueda objected, getting support also from the other.

“Yes, Akanishi,” Maru agreed, “how’s that troublesome? That’s how a group should work after all. Helping each other.”

Jin pouted, failing at masking a mischievous smirk. “But then I get scolded for the mistakes afterwards! I would never scold myself but you guys do!”

The host needed a moment to catch up with the bickering. “Who is the one in KAT-TUN watching over your mistakes the most, Akanishi-kun?”

“Ueda,” Jin pointed without hesitation and Ueda reached out to smack him in return. “And Kamenashi.”

“That’s true!” Nakamaru joined promptly and thus saved Jin from another smack, “Kame is watchful of all of us!”

Koki nodded. “And our mistakes. Basically, he likes commanding a lot.”

“That’s because you guys are impossible at times!” Kame rushed to defend himself, cheeks pushed up in a wide smile, burning. – He definitely hadn’t missed them all mocking him in front of cameras. –

They were cut by a segment of sponsor introductions and when the short break was over, it was time to talk about the song they were going to perform in a little while.

“KAT-TUN’s new single – Frames,” the host started; her eyes roamed over the sitting guys and stopped at the farthest seats where Jin and Kame were silently staring into the monitors placed on the floor in front of them and where they could see what the cameras were filming. They both looked up when spotted themselves on the screen. Their attention quickly turned to the host. “Kamenashi-kun, you are the one behind the music while Akanishi-kun wrote the lyrics. How was your collaboration?”

“Troublesome,” Kame chuckled.

“Don’t start with that again!” Koki warned him and his words were followed by cheerful laugh of the others.

Kame grinned. It really felt like ages ago when they had been able to endlessly bicker about nothing and everything, not only once driving the hosts of the shows they had been at, crazy.

“But in the end, we found a way to work things out,” – Kame knew Jin was smirking, and he himself had to hold back from thinking about all the ways they had ‘worked everything out in the end’ – “and Frames is the result of our hard work. Also, it’s the first single of KAT-TUN reunited, and to many fans the melody could remind of our beginnings. Please, listen to it carefully and remember.”

“Akanishi-kun, what about the lyrics?”

No matter how much Jin tried, his eyes eventually slipped to Kame anyway. “Frames is about things we take for granted but then we lose them at some point of our lives. Because we are busy, or because of a misunderstanding. And then we have to wait for years before they come back to us…” – Hearing those words and knowing the true meaning behind each and every one of them, Kame lowered his eyes, heat rising into his cheeks. He knew he would never be able to listen to this particular song and be detached from the meanings and everything the song was representing. – Jin cleared his throat. “They come back to us… changed. But we changed during the time apart too…”

“Isn’t your hair longer now?” Ueda asked randomly, suddenly lightening the atmosphere.

Jin’s hand went instinctively up, touching his hair and he nodded. “Yes, yes, it is. A little.”

“Taguchi is blonde again,” Ueda said.

“Really?” Jin bent and turned to a side to check on grinning Junno as if it was the first time he saw the other after a long period of time.

Taguchi presented his best angle to the camera. “Yes, yes.”

The host had once again troubles with keeping up with what was going on so she rather quickly drew the attention of the cameras to herself and announced KAT-TUN’s performance of the new song.

***

In his dreams, Kazuya could fly.
Sometimes it was like swimming above the heads of an impatient, giddy crowd gathered beneath him, looking up at him.
Other times, his body was whirling in the dark accompanied by lights and sounds and voices.
In his dreams, Kazuya used to be scared of the height under him. The times were long gone now though; he wasn’t afraid of falling anymore. Knowing that no matter how hard the fall would be, something soft and warm and nice would soon follow…

***

“WE ARE K-A-T-T-U-N!”

Kame let the thundering voice resonate in his head and blinked against the sharp, colorful lights exploding all around him.

He was on the stage, facing the darkness of the auditory of the sold-out Tokyo Dome and his heart was raging at the very verge of a heart attack. There were huge screens at both sides of the stage projecting them so the whole Dome could see and enjoy the show. Then the lights stilled and the fans could finally see their faces.

In the thrill of a starting concert, no one was questioning anything when Jin stepped closed to Kame and placed a hand on the other’s shoulder.

Their voices harmonized in the first lines of Real Face and the Dome got boiling. Jin was basking in the radiating heat. He would have still said he preferred smaller clubs, to actually see the faces of the crowd he was singing for, to have them see him in return as well… as there was only a few things better than being able to read the faces of excited fans when he was singing for them…

One of those things though, was feeling Kame’s hand covering his and giving it a light squeeze. When Jin was standing on the stage with Kame by his side, for once he wanted to be selfish again.

Sing not for fans but for the feeling of singing with Kame.

Jin wouldn’t want to change it for anything in the whole world anymore. He had done it once already – and he would never call his decision back then a mistake; however, standing side by side with Kame in front of this huge auditorium of enthusiastic, passionate fans who kept repeating their names until their throats got sore and voices got hoarse, was the best. Nothing could beat it.

Singing song after song and simply enjoying every moment of the show, Kame hadn’t really realized the time was passing so fast.

Then he felt an unexpected tug. He jerked in surprise before his momentarily jittery mind caught up with what was going on and he remembered what part of the concert they were at. He was nervous. Of course he was. The nightmares that had been ripping up his dreams for months were still too living, scalding, hurting in his memory. However, they had been changing lately; and those changes were exactly what had led Kame to eventually agree to go with this.

The changes had led him to be secured to an end of a string again and be lifted up from the steady, safe ground. Something he hadn’t thought would have ever happened again.

But it was before.

Before Jin had broken into his life all over again like a storm and hadn’t left a single piece at its place.

Something tickled Kame’s hand and Jin grabbed him, squeezing, and his dark eyes were shining as they used to, years ago. It was easy to get lost in the dark depth of Jin’s eyes during concerts.

And it wasn’t any more difficult to drown in them any other time.

Jin tightened the grip and Kame’s body was suddenly light. They were soaring, leaving the chair down on the stage. It wasn’t needed anymore.

Outside the Tokyo Dome, the sun was only slowly sinking down to the horizon; it was still a day. Kame wasn’t sleeping, wasn’t dreaming.

He was wide awake.

Jin’s fingers were firmly holding his hand, giving off a feeling they would never let go of him, and Kamenashi Kazuya was flying.

***

In his dreams…
… no.
Kazuya didn’t need to dream anymore.



.the end

And that's it.
A little ramble to end this; as if all the suffering while writing this wasn't enough, lj decided to torture me also while posting... Some of the parts had to be cut in the middle of the scene because this damn thing was repeatedly giving me an error saying my post was too long... You know what, dear lj, fuck you! It's my fic and you should expect it to be LONG! Period.

Writing this was one of the most difficult things to do. Not only because of the short span of time I had in the end but also because I'm like 15-year-old and hurting Kazuya almost physically hurts me as well .-. Like I said at the beginning, the idea started before the announcement about his participation in DBS 2012 and honestly, when the announcement came up, I was ready to throw this fic away... However, let's be mature enough and take this as what it is, A FICTION. I has ended and there will be another one, and then another... life goes on, right? ^__^

Anyway, I really hope you guys enjoyed it despite all the angst all over. I know you love angst and tearing up *bricked*

And with this being my first post in 2012, I wish you all a great year and a lot of everything you want ♥

Credits for the lyrics go to gensou_alice and tanakakoki_fanand any additional mistakes are mine .-.

Comments

[wintersdancer.livejournal.com]

♥ So much love for you

[moon-catcher.livejournal.com]

you ninja! Don't tell me you haven't had enough of this already! DD:

♥

[wintersdancer.livejournal.com]

I'll never have enough of this .-.

[diisa-pinky.livejournal.com]

this is perfectly written ♥
also you can have my heart, because you succeed making me sobbing here alone in my room while hugging my pillow
thanks a lot for sharing this!! :D

[moon-catcher.livejournal.com]

♥ thank you ^___^

hmmm.. I think I could start collecting the hearties of the poor people who actually found the strength to finish this fic xDD muhahahaha /shot

I'm also really sorry for making you cry D:

[absinthe1213.livejournal.com]

so poignant...

you wrenched me from one end of the spectrum to the other...

YOU!!!

LOL...
congrats ♥

[moon-catcher.livejournal.com]

Should I say sorry?? O_o
Hmmmmm... nope xP

I'm actually happy you were thoroughly wrenched *bricked*

♥

[queen-kat-tun.livejournal.com]

GINAAAAAAA, I don't know if this is alright but I'm gonna post my comment here instead rather than in the a_s comm since well, idk -_____- forgive me, yes/yes?

SO.

The first thing that caught my attention is the title. OFC it's perfect! It just makes you curious of what the story is about and omg, we all know that thinking of a title that would suit a fic perfectly is difficult and yeah, I like your title. It's practically where the fic revolves, figuratively.

When I started reading this, I kept on thinking of who could possibly write such gorgeous Jin/Kame characterization and I have this feeling that ofc, it could only be you. You write Jin and Kame as canon and tears for making me love them so much. I envy the way you write them ;____; You're playing them on the edge of both reality and fiction and your characters are gorgeous like that ♥

I like the way how you started the fic with Kame standing on the stage, in front of thousands of crowd and with only himself to keep him calm and his memories that seem to wash over him at that exact moment. You gave focus on Kame's ideal/almost perfect life as an idol and it gives the reader that sense of Kame's fulfillment. You made me feel like I'm watching Kame on stage and fuck if it isn't amazing!!! It makes one think of yes, this is definitely Kame no doubt. I like how from the very beginning, Kame is already this trained doll who acts on what he should and not on how he feels. Kame's life, you made it sound like it's beautiful; a beautiful disaster, in fact. Nevertheless, you're able to portray him as a human who only goes with the flow because it's what he should do. His idol life indeed is both his blessing and his curse. Like you said, it's his fate.

In his dreams, he didn’t need any strings to pull him up from the ground. He could fly up on his own, breathing freely and savoring the view in the depth of the hall under him. Dark and illuminated with tiny flickering lights. Thousands of heads flung back, following each and every one of his fluent, graceful moves. Thousands of voices screaming in glee whenever his body daintily swung in the above.

You made me fall in love with you with these lines. They are all beautiful that their image in my head are both haunting and dark. You made the reader immerse in your find and based on my own opinion, not all fic writers can do that :)

The airport scene. The little girl was so adorable as she watched Jin and his bright shoes XD I like this kind of scenes in a fic because it draws a line, makes a clear image of where the character is and where the story is at the time.

Once again breathing the air of Tokyo shouldn’t have felt different from breathing anywhere else. However, it did. As if the air in Japan wasn’t the same as everywhere else; the ocean being a thick wall separating not only the grounds of two different continents, but everything.

Did I say you write gorgeous metaphors?

[queen-kat-tun.livejournal.com]

He didn’t want to come back. Ever. After seeing the world and spreading his wings as an artist overseas – a successful one above all –, the hallways of the jimusho didn’t seem to be enough anymore. The idea of a return was unimaginable, and Jin shook his head to get rid of it right away.

This was just temporary, Jin reminded himself and suppressed a yawn.

I had to quote this because the fuck, Jin's such an a-hole. He's full of shit. It just makes my heart bleed all over again because the image of him being like this and leaving KT…it just asdfgjkhkdkqhl!!! I know he doesn't want to come back anymore. He makes it seem like it and this is a fic, OMG A FIC, and yet, it hurts, Gina, so much ;____;

And when Jin is in the office with the rest of KT minus Kame AHHHHH!!! It's so frustrating because after everything, he still looks out for Kame in one way or another and omg, I think I suffered from temporary emotional instability and self-diagnosed insanity because of Jin and his conflicting feelings. Then Jin starts worrying for his career and hates on JE and KT and then he finds out about Kame and his heart is unsettled and from this moment on, I have decided to hate you (just a little) because there are details of Jin and Kame thrown in in between even if Kame isn't there and the rest of KT is like awkward and Jin is in his full glory acting like shit especially when the decision for him to join KT again has been made. This is one fabulous fic, I tell you. ;________; I would like to quote the whole fic and I am trying really hard not to because the comment would most likely rise and it's all because of me hurrrrrr D:

In his dreams, Kazuya was flying…

… and sometimes, when the dream was teetering on the thin borderline of memories, Kazuya was also falling down.

The inserts about Kame flying in his dreams and practically being like superman because he can do everything makes me want to rip my heart out because it gives me a sense of dread but then again, they are all beautiful inserts. They make me think of Kame and we all know that Kame owns me. That batshit >_<

Let's move forward, shall we? :)

Kame in a wheelchair/heart shatters WHY? poor baby :(

Anyway, so the first time Jin meets Kame again after a long time brought me frustrated feelings yet again because Jin is an assuming bitch (you know, Ryo's phone @ Kame's house) and Kame's also a bitch. They are perfect for each other and they make me want to slap them both for being so complicated. Their lives are a good encouragement to write angst and some bad romance because fuck again, if it isn't canon/huffs

Also, I like how Jin is like an insecure little boy whenever Kame's around. Heee, it's so adorable. I like the way how they came to a truce so that they could finish writing a song and it's pretty fluffy even if it really isn't. The thought of them being together at a place and at the same time just makes a fangirl happy, lol XD

Japan is not good enough for you.

This line brings forth bitter feelings :\

“I’m sorry,” Jin said firmly. “About what happened to you.”

Kame didn’t even flinch. “Save it.”

Kame = 1 Jin = 0. Oh yeah 8)

[queen-kat-tun.livejournal.com]

I kind of squealed when Jin got mad at Ryo and accused him of being with Kame and not telling him and how he felt so betrayed because he trusted Ryo and Ryo's seeing Kame behind his back. Jin is so adorable here! XD I have a fetish for jealous!Jin, too 8)b

Some thought Akanishi had come back to ‘save’ KAT-TUN…
…And that it was KAT-TUN saving him for a change.

These lines ;______; they make my heart clench. For some reason, I have this way of thinking and idk, maybe there's some truth in this or maybe it's just me feeling bitter or having bad thoughts about KT and Jin. I am not a good fangirl, okay? >.>

Somehow, Kazuya had always been the one pushing Jin to give his best.


...In his dreams, Kazuya could fly.

See the world from above. A colorful mess of clothes and hair and lights and uchiwas behind a thin veil of darkness just before all the limelight’s would go on.

If he couldn’t fly though, everything hurt.

In his dreams, Kazuya wished to be falling forever.

Without touching the ground.

criesforever ;_______;

Are you me??? I love this fic to bits! How could you write gorgeous stuffs? I am envious ;____; You make me go crazy with all the pretty things in this fic and now I am envious of your recipient. Pick me next, please! I want epic fics like this one D:

I am so sorry for not being able to quote everything but I know you already know how much I love this! OMG emotional torture what? You cannot accuse me of making you read a fic that you claim to have sent you both to heaven and hell and back when you write fics like this one T____T Again, you have no right to accuse me of such :((((

I SO love the scene where Jin accompanied Kame for his therapy. It was oh so sweet that it's heartbreaking ;___;

I WANT SONGS FROM AKAME! NOWWWW! *_________*

In his dreams, Kazuya could fly.

Sometimes it was like swimming above the heads of an impatient, giddy crowd gathered beneath him, looking up at him.

Other times, his body was whirling in the dark accompanied by lights and sounds and voices.

In his dreams, Kazuya used to be scared of the height under him. The times were long gone now though; he wasn’t afraid of falling anymore. Knowing that no matter how hard the fall would be, something soft and warm and nice would soon follow…

OH MY GOD! THESE INSERTS ARE KILLING ME T_____T HAVE MY HEART, GINA. I LEAVE IT IN YOUR CARE UNTIL IT'S ALL COMPLETE AGAIN.

The last scene, the ending made me fucking shiver and I still feel goosebumps all over. WTF? I hate you for making me feel like a mess ;_____; and I love you for giving me Akame.

Jin’s fingers were firmly holding his hand, giving off a feeling they would never let go of him, and Kamenashi Kazuya was flying.

;_________;

In his dreams…

… no.

Kazuya didn’t need to dream anymore.

;_______________________________________; Sobbingforeverinagoodway

I love you and please, write more fics like this one. ♥

[phoenix-zeal.livejournal.com]

So I don't read Akame fics anymore. Especially not long, non-AU ones. I haven't read non-AU fics for years because it's just not my thing.

For some reason I still clicked the link to the first part and started to read. It was painful and I stopped reading - not because it was bad, but because it hurt a lot. Then I went back to read it anyway, I just couldn't stop. I had to take breaks now and then because I felt like crying but I made it through.

My favourite part was the press conference at the end, with all six of them. It filled me with the kind of excitement I haven't felt for years and then I realised that it won't come true. ;__;

You put me through an emotional roller-coaster but I did enjoy this fic. I'm crap at leaving comments and at saying coherent things in them but yeah... Thanks for writing such a great fic. :) ♥

[moon-catcher.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry for all the emotional mess *hugs*
I know you don't read Akame, the less the non-AU, so I was more than shocked after seeing you here... in both good and bad way D: I was glad that something about the fic drew your attention but at the same time I wasn't sure how you would take the story.
Honestly, this fic was a torture for me, from the beginning to the end and still I can't say if the main problem was about the injury or about the ending - like you said, the press conference is something we will never see again and it tears my heart ;__; I want to bury myself in the past and shade everything that is happening now .-.
tl;dr

Other than that, are you okay? And it's a general question, not related to the fic ♥

[phoenix-zeal.livejournal.com]

*hugs* It's all right, it's my own fault for reading something I knew would be upsetting for me. XD
This fic has like everything I find painful about reading Akame, lol. I'm surprised that I was able to handle it relatively well, especially as I was in a horrible mood before starting to read it. Somehow it was actually cathartic to read this while being really emotional already before. It actually helped me sleep better after I'd read it.

I'm as okay as I can be atm, I guess. I'm kind of numb and overemotional at the same time. IDEK how that works. :P I hope you're okay. ♥ Did you manage to become a bear?

[moon-catcher.livejournal.com]

lol This fic has like everything I find painful about reading Akame I think I just enjoy a bit too much torturing myself with writing this kind of stories... those that are kind of balancing on the borderline of reality and fiction /bricked I don't even know why actually.

*squishes* yay for good sleep! xDD

I know what you mean ♥ I'm doing fine... I think... I'm more on the numb side atm .-. Sadly, no bear here. I had too much work in the end and thus wasn't allowed to turn into one. And looking at my schedule for a couple of following weeks, things are not going to change any time soon :(

[phoenix-zeal.livejournal.com]

I know what you mean about the writing part. I always end up writing everything I, myself, hate and I torture myself insanely much. XD I really hate most of my fics now because of it but it's a weird form of therapy and trying to become popular. I'm writing a new fic now, though, and this time I kind of write what I need and want instead of torturing myself too much.

*squishes back* Yes, it was very nice to be able to fall asleep for once. XD

That sucks. :( You can always poke me in a PM or in a comment somewhere if you need someone to talk to. I'm not good at comforting or giving advice but I think I'm a pretty good listener once I understand that someone needs someone to talk to. IRL I'm never the kind of person people tell their problems to so people have to sort of smack me on the head online to make me shut up and listen. XD

BTW, love your icon!

[moon-catcher.livejournal.com]

You shouldn't hate what you once wrote! well, except some really embarrassing things from the very beginning because looking back, only a few people can say they were great at writing the moment they started xD
LOL it's a form of therapy for all the attention whores out there me probably included
Strange is that I WANT and NEED to write this torturing stuff because without it, there would be only a little of what I could feel... idk... as if only writing/reading could stir some real emotions inside of me .-. So I'm basically torturing myself willingly /bricked

I know I can poke you ♥
And don't worry about giving me advices or anything... I suck at following what other people say anyway xDD But just talking is fine most of the time ^__^


asgasagf THANKS! It's nice to hear it from one of my fav icon makers!! And Kame with an umbrella in the reply suits the icon well xDD

[phoenix-zeal.livejournal.com]

Ha, I often hate what I write during the moment so it's not so weird that I hate what I wrote in the past. The thing is, I hate smut and most of my old fics contain it. XD And my writing really was embarrassing during the period of time I wrote a lot of things.
I'm not an attention whore anymore, not as much anyway, so I think that makes my writing a bit better in the end. XD I used to need writing torturing stuff, and tbh what I'm writing now is a bit torturing and over-dramatic. Oops. It just contains fluff as well.

♥
LOL! I suck at taking advice from myself and end up doing what others tell me to do even if it isn't the right thing for me. Uh...

I'm not that good at making icons, really. Reminds me I need to make some more to post. I have a few I've created over the last few months but not enough to make a post. I like matching my icons with others'. XD

[are-in.livejournal.com]

thanks for sharing :)

[snowing-inside.livejournal.com]

Just popping in to remind you once again of how much I love this story. It was really something watching it unfold in front of my eyes during the whole process. You made checking my e-mail into a much more significant event than it had ever been before.

I don't know what it is, actually. I can't put my finger on it. But the pace and the underlying fear of this actually becoming a reality just really tugs at the heart to a point where I just want to close my eyes and blank out my mind. But I can't, because it's just developed so well that you just HAVE to look.

I found myself taking deep breaths and reminding myself that it was FICTION more than once, and nothing AND I MEAN NOTHING is going to happen to our Kazuya and that reality is actually beautiful for him.

So basically, it was an absolute honor to be the one to get to read this through for you, even though you broke my heart a little in the process. But I forgive you, because the ending was hopeful...and they have each other.

ILU. ♥

[slayer-kur.livejournal.com]

I´ve been reading this with my heart in a fist, soooo heartbroken that it actually hurt thinking about this feeling *sobs*
And at first I was mad at Jin cause he was as selfish as always, just thinking about him and no one else. Oh, poor Jin is being forced to come back to Japan *slaps his face* just think in KATTUN for once, you motherf***...ok, work of fiction, take it easy Carmen xDD

But, besides the obvious pain in my heart because of Kame´s condition, just thinking about the possibility of Kame and Jin working together again was enough to make me cry in sadness and happiness at the same time, gosh.

"“I have to say it’s nice to see the six of you here again. Together.”

NOW YOU UNDERSTAND MY FEELINGS, JOHNNY-SAMA *sobs more*
Even if Im completly fine with the 5nin KATTUN, I can dream, cant I? xD

Just...dont make Kame suffer like this ever again, promise? cause I cant stand watching him being so helpless. Even with a very happy ending, I need my heart to beat again without hammering my chest, thank you xD

*hugs, dear* this was wonderful, the way Jin and Kame got closer and closer and cloooooser again, and when Kame said he would have found the way to get to Jin no matter what was the chocolate to my cake, really *hugs you again*

[dori-liv.livejournal.com]

Once again, I'm reminded of what a talented writer you really are.
I loved the airport scene from the little girls perspective. What a great way to show that. It's also nice to show that although his return was so huge for him and those around him and would gain the attention of many individuals and press, in that moment to that girl, he was just a guy with orange trainers at the airport. And the last line of that part 'She wasn’t even born yet when everything had started.' I don't know why, it just got me. I doubt i could explain it even if i tried.
The parts about kazuya flying in his dreams were brilliant throughout. But the one that really got me was the start of the second part. The first one after finding out about Kame's situation which just gave a whole new meaning and emotion to it. It was heart-wrentching. 'and sometimes, when the dream was teetering on the thin borderline of memories, Kazuya was also falling down.' This line is so perfect and stunning. It kind of made me 'shiver' as i read it, with the fact of kames accident still fresh in my mind from the previous part.

[the-fey-girl11.livejournal.com]

i don't really know how you do it but you do it everytime. you can actually wrench out the most painful feelings between Akame both together and individually and make your readers feel the pain as acutely as if it were our own.

sometimes i almost forget i'm reading fiction as you paint the pictures so vividly in my mind as if i were watching a movie instead and i had to stop myself from time to time to remind myself this isn't real!! =D

i love how your dream analogies mirror an idol's life (in this case Kame's) and how it must've felt like to be one.. but the best part is the last dream.. "that no matter how hard the fall would be, something soft and warm and nice would soon follow.."

thank you for giving Akame a hopeful and happy ending or rather a new beginning ~ =)

[ryufurizawa.livejournal.com]

so beautiful...:) thanks for sharing..

[keeaneegan.livejournal.com]

THIS!!
even though you gave us a happy ending but it hurt me reading the whole story
i love the whole story from the beginning until the end, it feels like a rollercoaster ride

[aishterukara.livejournal.com]

My heart... I can't... it's too beautiful!