moon_catcher: (Default)
[personal profile] moon_catcher
Title: The Moment of Truth in Your Lies

Author: [ profile] gina84
Pairing: Akame, these days apparently obligatory, at least hinted Jin/Meisa
Disclaimer: In my dreams I can own anything… otherwise they belong to each other
Rating: PG

Summary: At a late December night, Jin picks up Kazuya in front of a studio…

A/N: I just need to get this out of my system. I'm stuck and nothing I write makes sense to me, so I’m posting this to either get confirmation or negation of my worries. If you decide to read this and actually leave a comment, concrit is welcome more than ever. Thank you ♥

And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
'Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

(Goo Goo Dolls - Iris)

The late-December night air outside is chilly and skin-pricking. Looking around to make sure no one has been following him, Kazuya quickly slips into the passenger seat of a car parked in the farther part of the parking lot in front of the studio, keeping his gloves on while rubbing his palms against each other to warm himself up. It took him ages to finally escape from the backstage, change his clothes and leave the mess of tonight's show behind. - The end of the year is always strangely busy and exhausting; and this year seems to be even worse. -

A shudder runs up his body as the heated air inside finally gets through the layers of his clothes, causing him goose bumps. His breath hitches.

"I'm glad you made it."

Kazuya's hands halt, still pressed together. As if he only now realized the presence of the other one. Jin is sitting only a reach of a hand away. Lately, Kazuya's hand seems to haven’t been long enough to get as far as to Jin though, slowly losing Jin with every day passed; and when Jin moves and stretches out, the one he is reaching for is not Kazuya but a button of the heating panel.

The interior of the car is getting warmer in a couple of minutes.

"Sorry about making you wait," Kazuya mumbles, lost in thoughts and taking off the gloves, one at time. "It was… well, you know."

Jin nods. He doesn't know though. Maybe a little. He can imagine; he has been a part of these end-of-the-year slash new-year shows enough times in the past to remember what they are like. About this particular one though, he doesn't know details. He wasn't invited. In fact, he shouldn't be anywhere around here tonight. His manager made it clear. Kazuya's manager made it clear.

The whole agency made it clear a long time ago. - And not following the orders has led them to where they are now. Stuck in something they can't change and apparently, can't fight against. Kazuya says they can't. As much as Jin doesn't like it at times, Kazuya is usually right about the decisions regarding their jobs. Sometimes, Jin wishes Kazuya wasn't always right.

Jin has had just enough of listening to everything someone else says.

"I would have waited no matter what." Jin smiles, a hint of a smile only. The time for taking things easy and with a smile is over. He would just like to keep playing a little longer. "You know it, right? Do you want to go somewhere for dinner or -"

Kazuya shakes his head. "I'm quite tired, actually," he says, eyes glued to the dim light of a nearby street lamp.

"So home is it."

"A station would be enough."

Jin has been already midway reaching for the keys to start up when Kazuya's words make him stop, throw a puzzled look to the side and to Kazuya's stiff frame.

The last couple of weeks haven't been easy for either of them, but Jin really, really thought Kazuya understood the situation. The hell, Kazuya was the one to suggest what might be the craziest solution of all. He was the one convincing Jin they had no other choice until the storm in the media would fade out. He was the one having courage and nerves enough to go and suggest it to the management after all those endless discussion he and Jin had had about the matter.

Kazuya's acting now confuses Jin. Not because it's pass midnight already and they are both tired, because tiredness has never been a reason for Kazuya to become unreasonable. Or to push Jin away. But because Kazuya seems to be mad and Jin doesn’t get it.

"Is it really okay?" Jin suddenly asks, the question surprising not only Kazuya but apparently, also the one who said those words. "I mean... I... We could still stop it."

That is, actually, what Jin would prefer.

Just because he once agreed doesn't mean he is really okay with the solution. Not when what they are going to do has such an effect on Kazuya.

Among the two of them, Kazuya has always been the one to care about what the public thinks about him. About them. As if the opinion of thousands of people they don't even know was more important than anything else.
Unlike Jin, Kazuya knows how to be an idol.

Jin would just like to be happy.

"Nothing has happened yet and -"

Kazuya would like to have a moment to think, to form an answer on his mind before speaking up; however, the luxury of time to think has never been an option while talking to Jin, as Jin only rarely thinks before talking and expects everybody around to be the same. Playing for time, Kazuya nods, teeth scratching over his lower lip.

This is not the best moment to be unreasonable and break down.


"What do you want me to say now? We have to do it this way. We already talked about it and there is no other choice so…"

Jin shakes his head wildly in disagreement. He wants to punch Kazuya and get some senses back into his head. Because there are always options left if they just stopped caring about unimportant things. Unimportant as in what people around thinks, or dropping numbers in sales. The range of options depends on their priorities, and sometimes, Jin thinks Kazuya's scale is pretty fucked up.

Kazuya keeps rubbing his hands together. Now not because of the chill outside but as the result of his restlessness.

"There is always another choice but you don’t want to listen to me."

"Another choice?" For the first time tonight Kazuya turns to Jin. It's difficult to read the expression mirroring in his face though. "Like what, Jin? Calling up a press conference to tell the whole world the truth? That's not gonna happen. Even if we both were crazy enough to willingly fuck up our careers, they wouldn't let us do it. Not now."

"Let's not ask them?" Jin blurts out and only Kazuya's terrified look tells him he should have kept his mouth shut for once.

"Are you out of your mind?"

Jin gives a little shake with his head - it could be both, either a protest or an assent - but doesn't say anything.

Having a feeling the situation can hardly get worse, Jin grabs Kazuya's hand, not really paying attention to the slight jerk Kazuya makes to get rid of his grip, and squeezes. An encouragement. A reminder that they can go through this. Again. Together.

It's not the first time after all.

There have always been barriers to overcome.

Just because it's more serious and seems more difficult this time doesn't mean it will break them apart. Jin won't let it happen, ready to hold on tight and do everything, both possible and impossible, to make Kazuya hold back with just the same strength.

Gradually, Kazuya's attempts to set himself free cease.

"I'm sorry," he says with a sigh.

He knows it's not Jin's fault, and Kazuya doesn't have any rights to blame the other. He doesn't want to blame anyone anyway. The least Jin; because Jin doesn't deserve it at all. Right, what they need now is to have each other and to believe. One could say it's exactly what they have been always doing after all. Kazuya is just tired - not only of tonight - and things are going to get much worse soon. In two weeks, Kazuya - no, they both - will need all the strength to keep their façades and keep going. One day at time. One rumor and one interview after another.

Until it fades away.

Until it's not interesting anymore.

Jin's thumb is soothingly brushing over the back of Kazuya's hand; calm, steady little moves to bring Kazuya back to reality and to Jin.

Kazuya licks his lips and when his eyes find Jin once again, his look is composed and he even manages a little smile. His fingers curl tightly around Jin's hand, warm and comforting and only Kazuya's to hold it.

They don't need to talk about how things won't change between them. Because they won't. At least not those that matter the most.

"Did you..." Kazuya clears his throat and thinks he should let go of Jin's hand if they want to get out of the parking lot tonight, "say something about a dinner before?" He keeps holding the hand though because despite all reasonable arguments and affirmations, there are only two more weeks when he can do this, with Jin being only his.

Jin nods. "Hungry, after all?" He wants to do nothing but kiss Kazuya. Wants to keep kissing him for the following two weeks - forever if the choice was up to him, but since it's not, two weeks are all Jin has right now. Instead, he flashes a smile, a reassuring, warm smile, squeezes Kazuya's hand a bit once more; and only then, finally, Kazuya's hand hesitantly lets go of him.

The motor kicks on and the dark in front of them is illuminated by two cones of light.

The night lays ahead. As well as the remaining time they have before Jin will go and together with Meisa tell her parents - because that's what should be done in a situation like this one, so it wouldn't look like something made up by the managements of their agencies - that they will get married. Kazuya already knows he will be at work then, trying to think about nothing and everything, just not about what will be going on at Okinawa at the time.

And once things settle down and people won't get all worked up each time his and Jin's names appear in the same sentence, or in the same article actually, Jin will come back to him and will be only his, as well as Okinawa will be once again only theirs.

The way it should be.

.the end

sorry for your time

(no subject)

Date: 2012-02-10 10:06 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Baby ♥
I cannot say anything right now, but I loooove you.
Let´s hug and stare into the black sky.

(no subject)

Date: 2012-02-11 12:21 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
you are a ninja! lately, always first or close to be the first to read/comment xD

I kind of... don't need you to say anything... really. Despite the note about concrit, I actually don't want to hear a thing because I could start breaking down all over again .-.

*looks up to the starry sky with you*

(no subject)

Date: 2012-02-11 07:41 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Thats because you always update when I open the flist at night xDD
But...dont be sad, really. This fandom is supposed to bring us joy and hide us from the real world. Besides, today is KATTUN´S concert, so smileeeeee. I hope they can enlighten your mood, at least I hope they can enlighten mine cause my bday is coming and I dont wanna be all sad xDD

(no subject)

Date: 2012-02-11 11:08 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I should be watching over my timing from now on then xDD
Apparently, I tend to make posts at the most weird times, like midnight and later LOL

♥ I'm trying! Really. I don't want to be all emo just because of this, and really, Kame in tux on the CHAIN promo pics looks fucking great and I want to enjoy it at least from the distance since I can't be there, watching the show live *sobs* Someone, give me fancams!! Like right now!

*runs to check your birthday to come up with something less angsty*

(no subject)

Date: 2012-02-10 10:22 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
All the emotions so well conveyed. I could see the whole encounter totally happening before my eyes...

Somehow it breaks my heart to think anyone in the world -and not only Akame- should have to go through this just to be with the person they love. That's one of the things that hooked me up to Akame and YasuBa, I guess, because true love shouldn't be judged, critized or condened for anyone in the world....

If I wouldn't have given you my heart so much time ago, even before you even knew I offered it to you- I would rip it out of my chest right now just for you... And I really hope this helped getting things a bit better for you ♥

(no subject)

Date: 2012-02-11 11:12 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]

why is it that among everything I've posted in the last couple of weeks you had to come and leave a comment only here, making me teary eye with each and every word?? *pouts*


incoherent reply is incoherent, sorry ♥ ILU
how's your drawing going? can your Wifey-chan see the result or is it top secret?

(no subject)

Date: 2012-02-18 05:35 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]

It's even worse considering I have read your other fics but only came to comment on this #ShameOnMe /shot

Sorry, sweetie!! *hugs*

I'll try to get and comment on the other fics as I should have done from the beginning, ok? ^___^

I managed to finish the drawings and got paid for it, but I didn't scan them and the only pic I took with my phone looks rather weird... I could try and do them again, as I had fun, to show you what it was about, if you want~~

Love ya ♥

(no subject)

Date: 2012-02-18 09:29 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]

just so you know, my little whining wasn't about pushing you to comment on anything, it's mostly enough for me to know you read it and enjoyed the other fics as well; it's just the fact that I was kind of emotionally unstable at the moment I wrote this one and you came here, out of the blue and just... it really made me happy and feel better, seeing you around again :))

O__o WOW you got paid for your drawings?? That's great!
I should poke to you to get a drawing from you before it gets too expensive for me to have one /shot

I love you, too, sweetheart! ♥

(no subject)

Date: 2012-02-20 03:14 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I know what you meant, still I want to comment on everything I read from you. I know how much effort you put into your fics and so, the least I cna do is commenting... Especially since I enjoy them so much ♥

Don't make it sound like that!! .-.
Those were drawings for Uni, but the lady was too lazy to do them so she paid me to do it instead.

(no subject)

Date: 2012-02-20 03:59 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Don't say that twice, or I'll start poking you to read/comment the whole Almost Heroes, as our dear Sis keeps poking me into writing YET ANOTHER sequel >.> and 'no' apparently doesn't belong into the vocabulary she understands #lesigh

I can say what I want, you know?
And a lazy lady or not, it's still you getting paid for drawing something! ^o^/ *is proud of her Wifey-chan* ♥

(no subject)

Date: 2012-02-10 10:55 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I like it. lame comment is lame because i'm about to go to bed but I plan to read it again when I'm done with work (tuesday) and hopefully come up with something better.

can't fault the writing though

(also, i just discovered that if i highlight your posts, it turns pink! thats exciting :D)

(no subject)

Date: 2012-02-11 12:25 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]

Should I say have fun with work? :)

lol my posts are magical and pink just like Kame /shot

(no subject)

Date: 2012-02-14 10:32 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
i feel like what you were feeling at the time coming through this: lost, conflicted. I hope you feel better about everything now <3
Its a great piece like all your work. So sad too
btw, Bryan Adams - (Everything I do) I do it for you is playing right now and its really screwing with what I'm thinking about this :/

(no subject)

Date: 2012-02-14 12:42 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]

I had a good talk with a friend and that helped a lot.
A part of me is still not sure what to feel about everything but at least, I'm not breaking down anymore lol

Bryan Adams is not really helpful at times like these, right? Kind of adds more angst than is already flying around .-.

(no subject)

Date: 2012-02-10 10:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]

I really hope you're feeling a bit better now :) ♥

(no subject)

Date: 2012-02-11 12:23 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Only as long as I don't re-read it again :|

(no subject)

Date: 2012-02-10 11:22 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I was avoiding it all the day and now... I just don't know what I feel. Not about your fic, because you just voice my Akame hiden wish, I love it and want to cry.

Akame is about angst, always was and i hope will. thank you so much for writing this fic in such a moment, when I really need and want to read something like this.

I just hugs you tightly and want to hope with you, that it'll be ok and we will find a way to write and to flail and to enjoy our Akame world, because other perspective is not what I want.

and the song and the scene, just everything. I think i need time to collect myself and to understand what i'm feeling right now.

Sometimes in my unicor valley is very painful to stay and it hurts. I want Akame, wamt more Akame, don't want it to finish. Love you and hugs you tightly.

(no subject)

Date: 2012-02-11 12:37 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
It's sad how this story only confirmed my worries :|
Since the beginning people keep telling me that I can still write because the real persons and the Akame my head created are two different things and nothing needs to change for me, as a writer. However, I soon realized, while writing this, how impossible it is for me to let them even touch each other now D:

Even though I knew from the start that Akame is mostly about angst, it always felt more like an angst the writers put into the story.. right now, the angst is fucking real :|

I just hate how stuck and helpless I am now and I'm sorry for everybody who has to bear with me these days m(_ _)m
I usually do not vent it too much when I get into such state of mind, but atm, along with some rl shit around me, it's just too much and I could explode if everything stayed in, bottling up .-.

(no subject)

Date: 2012-02-10 11:53 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
looooooooove you with this.
i avoid reading anything. watching anything.
but when i the first time i log in LJ and see this is on my top f-page, like poking me to open it.. i read.
it's like what's exactly happen.
and somehow i feel that this is exactly what happened. (well, more or less)

and i wanna cry -again-
it's hard now. and starts to get harder everyday, so let's hug and be strong to each other.
we will survive, i know.. <333

thank you for this. it's hard for me to read, and i can imagine that it was hard for you to write.. <33
Edited Date: 2012-02-10 11:55 pm (UTC)

(no subject)

Date: 2012-02-11 01:03 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]

I kind of hate myself for this fic right now but well.. once posted, let's it live on
I wanted to write and give it a try, however, it doesn't feel right and I don't know what to do anymore.. my k_x is staring at me whenever I turn on my comp and I want to bang my head against a wall.

I'm sorry for coming here at the time like this with such a fic.
I'm M :| and a bit S for sharing it and making you all suffer with me :p /shot

(no subject)

Date: 2012-02-11 02:09 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
your fic is good..
i can't make coherent and sane comment rn, but i guess, since we're on the same boat, you know it.
i's not angsty. just a promising romance.

(no subject)

Date: 2012-02-11 12:23 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Well done. Thanks.

(no subject)

Date: 2012-02-11 12:30 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
i never cry for anything in my life, not if i can help it
not even when the going got tough and i felt adrift all alone in the sea without a lifesaver

it's maybe why i appreciate stories that wrench the heart because it's the only time that i can cry, try to cry

this one has got all the emotions in it, one where we have to live and deal with even if all we want to do is crawl under a rock and stay there forever

(no subject)

Date: 2012-02-11 12:00 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
then you seem to be a lot like me in this *nods*
I rarely cry in rl because of things that happen. So reading/writing is the only way for me to went emotions, and honestly, if there is any bigger stir, like for example now, I'm not really sure how to deal with it :|
So yeah, I do feel like crawling under a rock like dozen times a day, and as much as a part of me wishes not to feel like shit because of something seemingly as unimportant as the whole wedding-thing, there's another part that can't help it and weep ;_;

(no subject)

Date: 2012-02-11 01:12 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
btw, i really really love IRIS and City of Angels...

i have come into terms that he got married pretty easily, what irks me is that my second (if you count Draco/Hermione) fandom just went kaboommm... silly, i know but there are things that are pretty hard to let go and this fandom is one of them

i was just happy that i branched out to other pairings pretty early, if not this would have hit hard me in the gut too

we'll all move on...

RL is gaining on me, so fandom has to take a back seat but i'll always be lurking around because i love kame so much...

take care, this will all blow over and we will find some other things to concentrate on

just know that we are writing them as fictional characters, taking their lives into our plots and make them play and whatever we write them as is not them the real person and in no way should affect our fandom :))))

(no subject)

Date: 2012-02-11 02:08 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I love both the movie and the song so much!
I have actually had the song on mind already a couple of days for no particular reason, like... I didn't think about it for quite a while and then it was suddenly back on my mind.
And when I finished this, the lyrics seemed to fit O__o

Akame is pretty much the first and for most of the time the only pairing for me. I like Brian and Justin from Queer as Folk but I do not follow them as much as Akame, and also the whole situation is different. It's hard to explain but it is *shrugs*
Also, I might have mentioned it elsewhere already, that what brought me to know that something like 'shipping' exists, was while reading a couple of fics about Gackt/Hyde from Moon Child movie. However, once I started looking for more fics and found some about them in canon, outside of the movie plotline, I didn't see the magic at all, because at the time I knew Hyde was already married. And seeing him in (even if only fictional) a relationship with anyone else was just weird. apparently, I have problems with keeping the fiction out of the reality /bricked
tl;dr sorry.
What's going on in Harry Potter fandom? O__o
I might see something on my Tumblr dash but didn't pay much attention..

♥ rl sucks in general *nods*
fandom should have been a place to relax for me. I might have started taking it too seriously and this kick might be exactly what I needed to wake up ;_;

LOL I know that! But at the same it, the stories I've written so far mostly worked for me ONLY because behind the fictional characters, there are also real persons with their lives. *cough* my possible god complex, as it felt kind of nice to squish real details into fics and pretend that everything made sense /bricked

(no subject)

Date: 2012-02-11 02:50 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Nicolas Cage is effing to die for in that movie...

you got a song, i got a prayer...
still can't get the serenity prayer out of my head and correlating it to them (see, i can't even say their name-squish~~ LOL)

i really haven't been there for a while...
i really hated the epilogue (hermione & ron ended together)

oh we all have god complexes just sad though that when the people who sell illusions are the ones who break those illusions without a notice (i've always deemed public personalities as public and whatever they do in private that will affect their public lives, they should take into consideration the people who placed them there) meaning even the smallest courtesy would do as to not catch us unawares...

this is not being feeling important than their private lives but common human courtesy (well, unless it is not in your culture to do that)

i dunno if i could ever express this explicitly but i do have very strong opinions about this...

i hope when kame's time comes, he will do it the right way and not foist us with his wife and baby (i would be very disappointed at that)


i am really too chatty...

(no subject)

Date: 2012-02-11 12:57 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
thank you for this..♥♥♥

(no subject)

Date: 2012-02-11 03:55 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
It seems I cant come up with a proper comment right now.

I guess after so many commotion and happenings in this couple of days, making me numb.
Maybe I need sometime away from Akame for the time being~

Hug you and hope you're feeling better.

(no subject)

Date: 2012-02-11 11:21 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I can't come up with a proper fic atm so it's more than fine ♥
I've been kind of numb since the very first moment so I can understand you more than well.

Sometimes, I am a bit envious of you guys who can go and find some peace in your other pairings xD Right now I would need something like that as well..

*headdesk* I feel so stupid right now that the whole situation affected me so much DD: There are so many other, more important things I should be worried about and yet, I'm all emo about this. Like seriously, how old I am?? .-.

(no subject)

Date: 2012-02-11 02:08 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
i but in..
i exactly think and feel like you, Gina..
that i'm no teenager who can cry over the idols..
but can't help it..

(no subject)

Date: 2012-02-11 02:14 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I hate how everything around me seems to be falling apart and I can't stop it.
In no way do I blame anyone, the less Jin because he deserves his happiness and everything he wants, the only one I can blame is me myself because I'm an idiot *headdesk*

*crawls away to search for a life on her own*

(no subject)

Date: 2012-02-11 04:02 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]

(no subject)

Date: 2012-02-11 04:22 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
This is perfect...thank you for this...

(no subject)

Date: 2012-02-11 03:24 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
ç_______ç there are no words... expecially in these days... ç________ç

(no subject)

Date: 2012-02-11 04:08 pm (UTC)

(no subject)

Date: 2012-02-11 04:09 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
surprisingly, i feel better by reading this. not sad at all. maybe because i found someone who may have faith in akame. what made me sad the most in this hard situation is to see many people leaving the fandom. so please dont leave ok *hugs*

(no subject)

Date: 2012-02-12 03:25 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]

Kame holds me here no matter what.
Jin made it a bit tough now, however, for me, the priorities have always been as the following: 1) Kame, 2) Akame... 3) the rest of everything.
I just need to get over this stuff and find strenght.
Honestly, I'm still not really comfortable with the situation and the fact that I should keep writing about Jin being a married man.
I've heard about people leaving. However, many of these were talking about leaving for a while already and this incident only gave them the final push.

(no subject)

Date: 2012-02-13 03:49 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
i'm so glad to see kame hold u down firmly xD
and i love your priorities honey ♥
i dont feel any different reading fancic though jin's already married. i guess after the shocking stage over, i realized that akame will never leave my heart. it doesnt matter even if they remain as my imagination only :)


moon_catcher: (Default)

January 2017

123 4567

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags